Yesterday I unfortunately spent the better part of a day puking out my mouth and butt.
TMI I know.
Before going to bed the previous night I felt more tired than usual. Its been a typical couple of days for me so nothing was out of the norm in regards to exerting more effort than usual. At 3 am I awoke to a growling sound in my belly. Something was wrong. The next sequence of events happened 4 times over the next 9 hours.
I did not leave my bed the entire day nor was I able to eat or drink anything. Tried eating some blueberries, grapes, and strawberries which were no match for the stomach virus. Decided it would be best to not give the virus any ammunition and veg the entire day. Maybe dozed off for an hour total during the day but more or less closed my eyes and laid in bed while my head throbbed.
My guess is it was only a 24 hour bug as I woke up feeling refreshed and a whole lot better. Basically fasted for 24 hours. While doing my normal morning routines I stepped on the scale and to my surprise I lost 7.5 pounds in one day. Felt like it too. Pants were definitely looser. Yah – I know it was mostly from dehydration as the other fluids exiting my body were laser yellow.
I’m not sure how I got it. Andrea told me her co-worker had it the day before and maybe she brought it home. Maybe our son got it at daycare and it skipped getting him and liked me instead. It could also be from shaking the guys hand who came over to my house to buy my Varidesk which I was selling on Craigslist. Maybe it was from shaking the dudes hand whose house I went over that evening to buy a new baby stroller which was being sold on Craigslist. Regardless – I got it.
So it got me thinking. Why don’t weight loss companies sell a stomach virus?
Let’s bypass all of the legal stuff or the people could die as the stomach virus could morph into a zombie stomach virus stuff. What if the weight loss industry was able to develop and sell the stomach virus for those people who are looking to lose weight fast. Sure – you’ll spend a day rotating between the toilet and bed but who cares. How else are you going to lose 7.5 pounds in one day doing nothing?
I see it now.
Infect Prescribe Injest Take the stomach virus pill/serum/I don’t know before going to bed on Saturday. Spend the entire Sunday puking, etc. Wake up Monday feeling great and 7.5 pounds lighter. Start the week off by doing the 3 Day Refresh. Lose a couple more pounds and feel even better. Then do the Ultimate Reset for the next 21 days. By this time you will be so rid of toxins, fat, and anything else you hate about your body that it would feel like you have a brand new body. In 25 days you’ll probably lose 100 pounds.
Of course I’m probably completely joking. Probably.